The Life of Leisure and Luxury of a Stay at Home Mom

6:15AM: Wake up after a solid 6 and a half minutes of sleep, laying in a puddle of breastmilk.  “Nothing puts a smile on your face like soggy sheets!” You think to yourself.  Hair is wet and sticky…drool?  Milk?  Spit up?  Too tired to care.  Baby needs fed and changed.  There are no wet wipes.  Struggle to get new pack out of partially opened box.  Search for a dry area on the bed and feed baby.  Baby spits up all over himself and you.  Change shirt. There are no more dry spots to lay on.  Get out of bed.  And so starts the day.

6:45AM: Feed baby again.  Put on dry clothes because you have leaked milk all over this shirt too. Wake child #1 for school.  Get her breakfast.  Discuss wardrobe for the day.  This is  a struggle because she is a 16 year old stuck in a six year olds body.  She finally decides on sweatpants and sneakers, which was the first outfit you had suggested.  Remind her three times to brush her teeth.

7:12AM: Put child #1 on bus after a 20 minute search for *that* jacket, because no other jacket will do.  Chase dog, who is chasing the bus child #1 just got on.

7:20AM: Come back inside.  Child #2 is now awake and DEMANDS to be fed.  Give cereal and muffin.  Listen to whining because his special spoon is dirty.  Whining woke baby.  Feed baby, change shirt because there was too much milk and most of it went all over you instead of inside baby.

7:45AM: Child #3 is awake and needs snuggles.  Snuggle that child, while again (still?) feeding baby.  Think about how nice a shower sounds.  Take child #3 potty, while nursing baby.

8:00AM: Start getting child #2 ready for school.  Pick out clothes for child #2 and 3.  Fight with them about how clothes really are not optional for school.  Put socks on each child 3 times.

8:45AM: drop off child #2 at school.  Head home.  Scarf a muffin.  Feed baby again.  Finally baby sleeps.

09:30AM: Turn on cartoons for child #3.  Give stern lecture for child not to pick up the baby if he cries.  Child does not listen to anything you say and instead asks when we can go to the store for blueberries and why cows say “moo”.  Tell child again, in hopes she is actually hearing something you are telling her.  Sneak away for a shower.

09:42AM: While in shower, child #2 needs to potty.  The stool is missing and she cant get on the potty by herself.  Step out of shower, soap still in hair, and set child on the potty.  Stand there dripping and soapy, while she goes, and laughs about you being naked.  Attempt to get child toilet paper, but you are wet and it sticks to you.  Get child off of potty and resume shower.  Get out of shower and clean waterlogged floor.

10:00AM: Pump, because even though you have fed baby ellevendy times already this morning, there is still too much milk.  Forget to put milk in the fridge.

10:10AM: Rush to get self and child #3 dressed (again).  Dry hair, brush teeth whilst reading a book and holding poor, unloved child #3.  Give extra kisses and attention to child #3.  Give child #3 second breakfast while you clean up kitchen from first breakfast.

11:00AM: Rush around house making sure you have the diaper bag, with diapers inside, a water cup and a change of clothes for all children so you can go to the chiropractor after picking up child #2 from school.  Put basically everything you own in the van, because thats life outside of the house with littles.

11:20AM: Put child #3 in the van.  Go back in to put dog in kennel.  Pick up sleeping baby to put in the van and pray he doesnt wake because he will be hungry.  Go back in the house to grab an emergency outfit for the diaper bag for baby.

11:25AM: leave to pick up child #2 at school.  Turn around once half way there and return home to put that pumped milk you forgot in the fridge.  Now race to child #2’s school, so you arent labeled as *that* mom, who forgets their kid at school.  Go in to retrieve child from school.  Get back to van.  Baby is crying in hunger, which makes child #3 also cry.  Buckle in child #2.  Unbuckle baby.  Kiss and comfort child #3.  Sit with baby, in the van to again, feed.

11:37AM: Baby begins to nurse.  Children #2 and 3 decide they have to pee.  Unlatch baby.  Baby screams.  Unbuckle children and head back into school to potty.  Children will walk as slow as humanly possible all the way there.  Meanwhile baby is still crying because he is hungry.  Get to restroom.  Re-latch baby and begin nursing.  While nursing, assist child #2 and 3 onto and off of the potty.  Unlatch baby again, head back to the van.  Buckle child #2 and 3.  Re-latch baby to finish feed.

12:10PM: Baby is done eating.  Buckle baby in car seat and head to chiropractor appointment.  10 minutes into 30 minute drive, baby starts to cry.  Pull over in McDonalds parking lot to comfort baby.  Might as well get lunch while here.  Pull into drive through line, baby cries harder.  Pull out of drive through.  Get baby our of seat.  Baby is wet.  So is…everything…baby has thrown up all over himself, his clothes, blankets, seat and the seat in front of him.  Clean up baby and seat with whatever paper like objects can be found in van and wetwipes.  Realize, you now also have baby barf on your shirt.  Thats the 6th shirt today.  super.  Buckle baby back in seat.  Pull back in to drive through to get lunch.

12:38 PM: Situate children and lunches in van and head to chiropractor appointment.

12:58PM: Arrive at chiropractor.  Feed baby again, since he threw up the last feed.  Baby goes to sleep.  Unbuckle child #2 to go inside.  She isnt wearing socks or shoes.  You are holding sleeping baby so cant assist.  Hand her her shoes and send her inside.  Unbuckle child #2.  Turn around to see him peeing on the van tire, pants around his ankles.  Assist him, while holding sleeping baby, to put his pants back on.  Go into appointment.  Explain to receptionist, why child #2 came in alone and not wearing shoes and why child #3 is peeing in public.  Realize how ridiculous you sound and hang head in shame.

1:10PM: attempt to discuss needs with chiropractor, while child #2 and 3 act like they have never been out in public before.

1:30PM: Leave chiropractor.  Buckle three children back in the van.  Drive home while answering 875 questions about everything.

2:00PM: Arrive home.  Unbuckle child #2 and 3.  Ask them to take things and go inside.  They do not because they need a drink and want help taking off their shoes.  Explain to children that you will get them a drink and help them take off their shoes once they go inside.  Explain 7 more times before children actually go inside.  Once in, children will stand in doorway, again not moving, to prevent you from entering.  They will cry at you for not helping them, but will not move because its past naptime and they are no longer rational beings.  Gently push children aside so you can enter home.  Commence children crying harder and accusing you of pushing them “on purpose!”.  Help children get drinks and take off shoes. Wipe snotty noses on crying children. Get baby out of van.  Lay baby down. Clean out lunch and vomit covered things from van.  Feed cats, who are now in van rummaging for leftover food stuffs.

2:15PM: Feed and change baby.  Baby pees on you.  Change you and baby’s clothes.  Read the same book 13 times while trying not to fall asleep.  Send child #2 and 3 upstairs to play, QUIETLY.  Go up after them, while still nursing baby, and scold them for jumping on the bed.  Ask them to clean up room.  Go back downstairs to sit and feed baby.  Get up and go back upstairs to again, scold children for jumping.

2:35PM: Lay baby down.

2:43PM: Baby wakes up because child #2 and 3 are fighting.  Put 2 and 3 at the table with crayons.  Attempt to rock baby back to sleep.  Crayons turn into rockets, very loud and running rockets.  Surprisingly, baby sleeps.

3:00PM: Go upstairs to help child #3 get on potty.  Get there too late.  Child pees on floor in front of potty.  Child #2 attempts to help clean it up.  Drips pee down hallway.  Clean up child #3 and get her new clothes.  Clean up pee in hallway.

3:26PM: Child #1 gets home from school.  “can we go outside and play??”  YES!!!!

3:27PM: QUIET.

3:30PM: Baby wakes.  Feed baby….get up, while still nursing to notice neighbor’s german shepherd in the field nearby.  He’s harmless, but the kids dont know that.  Kids notice dog and run for their lives.  Dog chases children in an attempt to play.  Child #2 wets pants out of fear.  Get terrified children in the house.  Dog gets out.  Spend 10 minutes calming children.  Send child #2 for dry underwear. Go out to get dog.  Chase dog through field like a lunatic for 20 minutes.  Get dog in house.

5:00PM:  Neighbor comes to get his dog.  Our dog gets out again runs away.  Spend next hour and 15 minutes looking for dog.  Get dog in house.  Forget plan of cooking dinner and settle for chicken nuggets for the second meal in a row.

6:15PM:  Child #3 cant find her blankie.  Spend 30 minute looking.  Remember she took it to the chiropractor, its probably there.  She doesnt feel good.  She probably wont sleep tonight without blankie.  Blankie is 45 minutes out of the way tomorrow.  Super.

6:45PM:  Cram dinner, bath and homework into the next hour.

…we wont even start with bed time…


Everyone keeps saying to me, “I dont know how you do it with 4 littles!”  I always laugh at this because, I really dont know what “it” is, or how I do “it”.  Are these people implying survival?  Because thats my main goal right now.  Days like today, even survival seems like a difficult goal to obtain.  Today was full of mom fails.  I share my day, because I dont have it together.  Because I know every mom can relate.  None of us are perfect, and thats ok. I really struggle with admitting to others that I dont have it all together.  Not because I’m arrogant, but because, I am afraid of judgement.  I am afraid of how someone might think of me if they see me in this vulnerable state.  But, Im learning, that being vulnerable is the best way to experience true love.  So, I’m putting it all out there, all the mess, and I’m hoping you all can chuckle along with me.   Life with kids is crazy and unpredictable.  I honestly wouldnt change it for the world…ok, I might trade the baby barf.

Adjusting to life as a family of 6 has really been as smooth as it could be.  We have had some big emotions from everyone as they try to find their new place and deal with the attention a new baby requires.  We have also had some huge growth, as everyone is eager to help with the new baby and help mom and dad.  Its not easy, to have a newborn and deal with all the joys of being a post partum woman.  Its especially not easy to do either of those things when you cant get 3 seconds of uninterrupted time!  Its not easy to be another human’s food source.  Its not easy to know how to meet your own needs, and the needs of a baby, who requires so much, as well as keeping the love tanks full for your husband and the other kids.  Its not easy to manage the logistics of taking small children out of the house.  Nothing about parenting small humans is “easy”, but it is the absolute best hard job out there.  Some think we must be gluttons for punishment, but I look at this crazy, unorganized, messy life and just feel so darn blessed.


2 thoughts on “The Life of Leisure and Luxury of a Stay at Home Mom

  1. This blog post was fantastic! You have a beautiful family – and should be so proud! I only have 1 and feel like I’m farrrrrr from having it together – but man it’s a beautiful mess! Thanks for being so transparent.


  2. I still love you. Mess and all. I understand.
    Natalie got off to school. My daycare kids were dressed and cute today, while I took Lexi in pj’s (with the other two polished girls) to Costco.

    Lexi nearly knocked over every stacked pile of boxes (bc we hug towers of Kleenex, right?).


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