The kids are so excited to get to have “4 sleepovers” with grandma! Im kind of getting really tired of answering “how many sleeps until you leave?”, 100 times a day. The time has come. Sunday Darren and Lukas and I leave for Cleveland Clinic! Im a giant ball of anxiety and excitement and scared and hopeful and, well, pretty much all of the emotions.
Ive searched and chased answers for ten years and I cant help but think that this trip could just be part of the endless chase. I worry that we will invest all of this time and money, only to come home defeated and lost, once again. But, guys, God has repeatedly opened every door and supplied every need. From getting into the program months ahead of what I was told, to getting appointments I was told werent available, to having our financial needs met, God has provided. How can I still question a God that has made his presence so clear?! Ive spent my morning tying up loose ends and getting things ready and Im just in awe at how this trip has been laid out so effortlessly for us. Even if we do come home with few answers, I know, without a doubt we are meant to go.
Putting anxieties aside is not easy though. Moms worry. Moms worry about everything. Leaving your kids, even when in good hands, is never easy. What if they get sick? What if they get injured? We are missing Levi’s preschool graduation, which makes me incredibly sad. We wont be home for the final days of school, which also makes me sad. I despise long car rides. Im not really sure how Lukas is going to do for so long in the car. I wonder about what tests they will do. Will I be able to nurse baby after? I worry about those tests flaring my symptoms. I worry about so many things! So much of this trip is unknown, which makes my type A personality a bit crazy!
Its human nature to worry. How you handle those worries is what is important.
Luke 12: 7 Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. 7And even the very hairs your of head are all numbered. So do not be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. 8I tell you, everyone who confesses Me before men, the Son of Man will also confess him before the angels of God.
Choosing Peace is not easy. But, My God has shown His provision to me and told me to calm my anxious heart. The link below, contains 40 different verses about fear. 40 different times the Lord tells his people not to fear.
Jeremiah 29:11-13 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart.
I will choose peace. I will hand over these anxieties, over and over and over. I will remember, that no matter how much I worry, I am not the one who is in control. I will remember that I am a child of the One Most High. I will remember that nothing else on this human earth is of any importance next to that.
So, for the 900th time since breakfast, there are three more sleeps until the 4 night sleep over with grandma. Three more sleeps stand between me and answers.
I covet your prayers. For safety in travel, for well being for the kiddos (and grandma’s sanity), for peaceful last days of school, for answers, for finances, for all the things I dont even know to ask for. Prayers for peace. Wisdom to know what to ask the doctors. Wisdom that the doctors know what to ask me. I need to keep a clear head, which is very, very hard when my symptoms flare. The brain fog can be literally debilitating.
Most of all, I just want to praise God. Time and time again, he has shown me that He is almighty. Time and time again, I forget that. No matter what the outcome, God. is. Good. My heart will rejoice in simply knowing, He has me in the palms of His hands. But, friends, because my God is mighty, I have full faith, that he has control over this situation.