Levi and Emma are playing blocks. Eva is reading and baby is preoccupied with the dog’s wagging tail. So I sneak, every so precariously, out to the bathroom. I shut the door making sure to turn the handle and be as quiet as possible shutting the door. I sit down on the chair in front of the vanity with a sigh. Alone…The thought is fleeting as I swat the fly buzzing around my head. The dog is already outside the door sniffing and pawing trying to get in. And there is Emma, who is suddenly overcome with hunger…and cue the baby, crying because, heaven forbid, I stepped away. Eva comes running to tell me the baby is fussing. “I can hear him Eva!” My frustration is rising.
Can a mama just get a stinking minute!?
This is exactly the reason there is a Hershey’s bar stashed in an empty tampon box in the bathroom cabinet. I have to find a bit of sanity somewhere!
Last night was long and unrestful. Two with fevers. Two kids and a husband in one queen sized bed. The baby started his morning by puking in my hair. “Cant go back to sleep when there is puke in the bed, so Ill start the day’ I mutter as i towel dry the puke from my hair. I poured the coffee and set it on the counter to go and change the babys diaper while it cooled a bit. As I finish, Emma and Levi come down the stairs begging for their breakfast because they havent been fed since LAST NIGHT. They ask for pancakes, but I Just. Cant. Morning. So its instant oatmeal for everyone. While they eat breakfast, I nurse the baby. Then clean the kitchen and start the laundry and let the dog out. He, of course, runs away. So I chase him down the road in my slippers and robe. He runs back to the house just as the neighbor comes driving by, only to see me standing in the middle of the road, in my jammies, for seemingly no reason. Whatever, I’ve lost it and its no secret anymore. I remember that coffee I poured. Its cold now, so Ill microwave it. The baby’s crying. I pick him up and he gives me his wet, drooly kisses, all over my face and chest and arms. He clearly needs my attention more than I need breakfast, so I bounce and sing while showing Eva how to make a cursive “Q”….
And here I am, its 1030pm. I never drank that coffee and I still have puke remnants in my hair. I havent peed with an audience of less then two all day. Ive fed the children, I think, 37 times, and read 19 books and googled “how to draw a bunny” and then tried my hardest to draw that bunny (only to be laughed at, because let’s be real, even my stick figures are an epic fail). And Ive picked up the same toys 9 times and folded the same laundry I folded yesterday. And I feel like if I trip over a toy tractor one more time, I might just scream!
But, here I am, standing in the kids bed room, kissing sleeping foreheads and smelling freshly washed hair and just reveling in the beauty that they are. Ive wished all day for a moment alone, and here I stand, in their room, when I could be peeing alone, recalling the details of the day with fondness and looking forward to doing it again tomorrow.
Some days the mundane and the routine overwhelms me. I dream about running away to somewhere tropical. Heck, I dream about showering alone! But the truth is, Im living my dream. Elbow deep in snotty noses, muddy handprints and sweaty hugs. I dont want anyone else teaching Eva how to make that cursive Q and I never get tired of listening to Levi sing to Lukas in that squeaky voice of his.
If someone offered me an uninterrupted moment alone, I might take it. But only a moment, because I dont want to miss a minute. ❤